Open Your Eyes...and Ye Shall SEE!

I have asked God more than once to show me what people's motives really are, the last time being early this year. I also pray that my spirit be receptive.

Well, God has never failed me. Unlike a few years ago, I am not confused and stuck trying to figure people out.

Recently, some people from my past have been contacting me all of a sudden. I'm like...wait...what does so and so want? I'm not saying that EVERYONE must have an ulterior motive, but these are people that I have no reason to talk to. My friendship with them didn't end on a sour note either, but each time we went our seperate ways and again there is NO reason for me to converse with them. So, eyebrow raised and phone in hand I check my messages. It's the ol' mundane "Hey M*****, I am just calling to see how you are doing, I haven't talked to you in a while...okay, bye." I blow it off. Two days later here comes someone else leaving a voicemail for me. I can't even remember the last time I talked to this person.

When things like this happen I take a step back and let people reveal themselves. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment when you should take yourself out of the situation and let things pan out. So I did just that. I was thinking (a) these people are idle and decided to call just because, (b) [ulterior motive theory goes here], or (c) this is a test, the devil is trying to distract me.

It's not coincidental that when you are doing what you are supposed to people full of negativity come your way. When I was going through my season of trials and confusion no one was interested in "how I was doing". Now that I can see clearly here comes all of the naysayers and the ooh and ahhers. This has happened time and time again and it is a part of life. When you're down and out you are the last thing on anyone's mind, but when you are BLESSED those same people swarm around you like bees trying to suck up your milk and honey. What do you call them? Um, frenemies. I don't think there's a such thing, but I know they're my enemies. "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies." Psalm 23:5

If you are ever in doubt of someone's intentions, take a step back and ask God to reveal them to you; you will receive your answer.

Be Blessed.

The Road to Locdom

I have embarked on yet another journey... locdom. I must say this is one of the best decisions I've made in my life. It is not an easy journey and it has taught me so much about myself... including how much more patient I need to be. I have maintained my hair myself from the initial twists until now, with the exception of one visit to a loctician a couple of weeks ago to make sure I was doing everything right. I have no idea if and when I will go back because that's 70 dollarsUS I can keep in my pocket and retwist myself. I wash my hair every week and let it dry in the sun if the weather's nice. If not, I towel dry it. I wash with Jamaican Mango Lime Shampoo and condition with the protein conditioner from the same line. That is pretty much it besides oiling my scalp (burgamot grease) from time to time. I know you shouldn't use any products with oil, but my scalp needs oil! When I retwist I use Jamaican Mango Lime Creme Wax. The shampoo clarifies well so I haven't had a problem with product build-up. Oh, and I spritz my scalp with water in the morning if it's itchy. I have a pretty simple routine I think. I will share some photos of my progress (none from the loctician visit) so far and keep you all posted as I emerge!

Twists: So I did these twists for my 1 year nappyversary and decided to loc with them:



Shrinkage:



Month 2: Starting to see a LOT of fuzziness...so I'm moving right along:




Bantu Knot Out:





That's my progress up til today!

What's New???

It's been a while since I've been here. I just really don't have that much time to post. So what's new? I have started a technical program (I'm almost halfway finished!) so that I will have more opportunities when I begin looking for a job. Atlanta is getting too busy too fast! People are just pouring in each year by the thousands. Because of this it is getting harder and harder to find a job. The cost of living has skyrocketed also yet the pay has not increased. All of these factors contributed to my decision to finish school while I'm still young.

A year and a half ago I was living a comfortable life while attending college at my own pace...then I got a divorce. At first I thought that was a major setback because I had to transfer colleges AGAIN, move myself and my child, enroll him in preschool, and attempt to finish my own schooling. All of this was dumped in my lap overnight, but everything was sorted out within 2 weeks. That's when I had no faith, I had lost it. I just could not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, I have accomplished all of the aforementioned on my own and enrolled at the university I previously attended to pursue my bachelor's in AA studies. Yes, I am attending two schools right now. It's definitely not easy, but going through the divorce taught me that I can face anything that's put before me. To anyone reading this, just know that you too can achieve anything your heart desires. Just jump into it and don't look back!

On the up and up...

I've prayed for a few things that have come to pass and I am SO thankful for new opportunities. They always say "be careful what you pray for" and I am a firm believer that one should not pray in vain. There are two specific things I prayed for in regards to my education, getting accepted into a program at my current college OR the opportunity to return to a college I transferred from. Low and behold I am blessed with both! The Lord works in mysterious ways and I have decided to take on both. The first will allow me to fulfill a short term goal and the latter, a long term goal. This has made me realize that sometimes God wants more for us than we want for ourselves.

I am also launching one of two projects. It's part of another long term goal and I am very excited for it is one of my passions. Busy, busy, busy. I'm just so grateful for the time, talent, and tenacity to fulfill some of my goals. Glory be to God!

This Too Shall Pass

Certain trials seem neverending! School, work, home, forget SOME, they ALL seem neverending!!! I know I have to let go and let God. I cannot walk into any blessings without God leading me. I must listen to Him and do what it is He wants me too. I must stay focused and push THROUGH all adversity. I know I will be on top in the end because I DO have faith. I'm just ready for a change. The thing that hurts the most is being forced to face the reality that those closest to you can do you in! I never in a million years expected this...NEVER. The one person who told me I could always lean on them...although there's not much leaning on my end...has turned their back on me.

What Lies Beneath

I never expected this from YOU of all people
You are NO different from the rest
Trying to keep me bound

Never knew you had scum and vile tendencies
I'm living out my dreams, crab
Stop trying to pull me down

Does my tenacity bother you
Or is it about control?
Jump when you say jump
Not I, I live in my own mold

I am surprised, but I guess I shouldn't be
You are the one who said “put faith not in man”
And now you’re manifesting it for me
I’m hurt, dismayed, and all of the above
Because you are the one person who showed unconditional love

Everything must come to an end...
I guess
And I guess I'm naïve for expecting you to be better than the rest.


Through all of this there is one comfort...knowing that this too shall pass!

When it Hits Home

Last night I was informed that my cousins' aunt has been missing since Thursday. According to her co-workers, she left work Thursday morning and according to her husband, she never made it home. Thursday night she did not report to work. It is now Sunday night and, as far as I know, she has not been found. Last night my cousin told me that her aunt's husband was asked to come in to identify a body. I have not heard anything since...so we all sit and wait. My cousins' aunt is like family to me as well. Although I have not seen her in years I still have fond memories of her picking me and my cousins up to visit her and their grandma. She treated me as if I were her niece as well. I am so disturbed because I have not heard anything new today and I just want everything to end on a good note. Lord, please let her be okay. Let her come home, or at least call.

I have no more words right now, I am just speechless.

My Recent Hiatus

Friday, March 16th, I went to the ER for the worst case of gas I've ever had. LOL, don't laugh it's funny now, but talk about SERIOUS pain. I didn't know what brought it on, but my stomach was huge, full of air, to the point I was barely walking. None of the OTC medications I bought were working and I didn't get a wink of sleep so I went to the ER.

After sitting in the Emergency Room for several hours the doctor tells me I am going to be admitted b/c my hemoglobin is extremely low (around 5). Well this is b/c of a blood disorder that I have so I wasn't surprised I was being admitted. I wouldn't want to go home with a hemoglobin of 5 anyway...that's dangerously low.

Well within 24 hours I'm being told that I may have to have surgery before I am discharged. I'm like WHAT? Now, the surgery has NOTHING to do with the blood disorder so I'm completely shocked. I'm crying by day 7 because they are still saying I will more than likely have to have surgery. There is no way I want to have another surgery. I've had 3 already, but at this point I really didn't have a choice. So I prayed and although I had the surgery everything went well. THANK GOD!

I just got home Thursday so I am recuperating. If I'm not around much don't be surprised, NOT because I am passed out somewhere lol I am actually feeling just fine and want to exercise, but I know it's too soon. I am not sure what the next few weeks will be like though because I know that life goes on and there is so much going on right now that I MUST pick back up and keep moving. I really don't have time to sit around. I just wanted to let you all know why I've been MIA.

Thanks for any concern,
Enchantress

Out with the Old, In with the New

Once again I am eating late at night, but just one waffle this time. I am so tired, but couldn't go to sleep due to hunger. I have to be up in 3 hours so this post will be short.

2006 was a very challenging year for me, I went through more trials than I care to count. The key word is THROUGH. I AM still standing and I am elated that the new year is finally upon me. I had a revelation 2 weeks ago in the form of a dream. In short, the message was: Bury your past. You can think you have the best of the best and are on top and out of nowhere those things can be taken away from you. We usually look at this as a downfall, but this dream was confirmation that everything that glitters ain't gold and God was preparing me for bigger and better things. In the end of the dream God blessed me and my family tremendously and the only way I got to the blessing was by being obedient and not looking back.

I am loving every minute of life and am thankful for all that I have experienced. It has helped me become the person I am today. 2007 will be a year of achievement, spiritual growth, and prosperity for me. Mark my words.

2 Eggs, Scrambled w/ Cheese, a Waffle, and Orange Juice

Here it is 1:50 Friday morning and I just wolfed down breakfast.

Sweet memories...



When I was younger my mom would make me some eggs no matter what the time. She told me to never be afraid to ask for something if I was hungry. Eggs were one of my favorite things to eat as a child and I woke my mom up many nights asking for them. Lately, I have been on a "breakfast for dinner" kick. It brings back memories of my mom cooking pancakes, bacon, and eggs for dinner every once in a while and boy did I think that was a treat. The littlest things make you smile as a child and this was one of my favorite dinners simply because it was different.

Often you hear people say "live life to the fullest" or "live everyday like it was your last", but how many of us really do? When I first heard Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying I knew it would be on repeat because the lyrics rang true. At this point in time I strive to do this as much as possible, but it's the little things that I enjoy most. So while "living like you were dying" is a good thing to do i.e. exotic trips, swimming with the dolphins, etcetera, I feel that the time I spend enjoying everything around me is truly LIVING. This year I have spent more time than ever before reflecting. Reflecting on things that went wrong in the past, why things panned out the way they did, and life in general. I will take the good with me and bury the bad because it IS my past. My mom tells me a lot of things that are true and although I laugh I take her advice most of the time. She has been telling me to "LIVE". For instance, I can say "I just ate dinner so I'll wait a couple of hours before I tear into that peach cobbler, but it looks so good." She will comeback with: "LIVE, eat it." This is why I usually laugh at her. She wants me to do whatever I need to do to stay happy, it's just hilarious how she conveys her points.

I also consider myself a homebody. I thoroughly enjoy relaxing on the couch whilst watching "TV movies" back to back. My phone would ring off the hook when I would do this on the weekend. On the other end there would be one of my friends asking "What are you doing?". When I would tell them exactly what I was doing the response would be "Why? So you're just going to sit in the house and watch movies?" After hearing the same thing over and over I had to explain that I actually enjoy my quiet time and that I don't always have to go out to be entertained.



Everything has it's season so I'm sure there will come a time when my "quiet time" is scaled down. As for right now I'm looking forward to my next plate of cheese eggs with a side of sweet memories.

Afraid of Self

A voice emerges from the radio blaring
Take me as I am, but what is she really saying
Accept the good with the bad, I have doubt
Doubt that the world agrees with this sentiment
Doubt that conditional love is nonexistent
Even with commitment
It's a part of humanity, you see
A constant battle to remain the person one wants to be

My heart aches
My heart weeps
Before I can blink, my eyes begin to leak
Cries become sobs
Sobs become bawls
Outwardly the pain seeps

Hurt, sadness, and frustration can no longer hide
I cannot believe this is happening, I am losing my pride
Roll with the punches, go with the flow
Bury my face in a pillow because this is not for show
Take me now, this is the real me
Do not hesitate or else I may flee
I wish to mask these feelings
Scurry and hide
But it is imperative that you see past this shell
See the inside

No pain
No gain
After revealing myself I am here
I still remain
Enough I say, enough of the turmoil
All along it was ME, afraid of the real McCoy

That Last Saturday Was...Mmmm

Saturday night was ecstasy. I reached peaks that I had not reached in a long time due to the mental control I have over my body. I finally decided not to hold back and just go with the flow...NO PUN INTENDED.

I had been a mollusk holding my pearl
Because I am not a fly by night girl
This treasure represents many a thing
Not just the physical, but my mental, which was cluttered, not clean
Many thoughts were crowding my head
but I surpressed the emotions and ranted I am a conqueror instead

You took me in your hands, first massaging my skin
There was no turning back, no way did I want this moment to end

Before long infiltration occured
gates opened, all emotion emerged
Getting closer and closer to my peak
Moans passed my lips and I became less meek
Finally, the moment had arrived
I could not hold back, for I was thoroughly enjoying this high
Shackles removed, locks picked
What a wondrous moment, beautiful, EUPHORIC!

The Interview

After having a late night snack I have decided to post a little something. Usually my day ends with a quick recap so after going over today's events I've come to the conclusion: One can receive confirmation about life decisions at any given moment...

Since Thursday I have been nervous because I was called to interview for a position that I really want(ed). Well, after all of the anxiety the interview came and went. I was meeting the Unit Manager at 9:00am...but of course I wanted to arrive early. So at 8:40 I let the secretary know I had arrived...she then calls the manager only to get no answer. I'm thinking "maybe today is a busy day and she is working on the floor"...so I decide to empty my bladder before I go to her office. When I came out of the restroom the secretary called her again and told me the manager was on her way down. So I'm waiting another 10 minutes. Now, the manager calls back to say she wants me to meet her on the ground floor. It is 3 minutes after 9 and at this point I'm a tad bit irritated. Whatever...I let it roll off my back...


I finally shake her hand and start walking with her to her office. At this point we are making small talk and she is really looking me up and down. Surprisingly I wasn't intimidated or nervous at all I'm just wondering why she seems to be fascinated. We get to the office and have a sit down. She starts to go over my resume with me and then the interview begins. I am being asked the typical questions with scenarios...etc and I am tackling them like nobody's business. I have to give myself a pat on the back because in certain situations I get EXTREMELY nervous. This was the best part of the interview because the rest was...um...BS. Anyway, next we discussed my availability. Now the position is full-time and I would prefer to work 3 12-hour shifts. Well it seems they would prefer you to work 4 10-hour shifts or 5 8-hour shifts. Cool. I can do the 4 days although it would be pushing it...but I'm like OKAY. So once I tell her this she starts to question my availabilty down the road. Clinicals start (by God's will) in the spring and my schedule will be hectic...I definitely won't be able to do 4 days then, but I'm telling her I can't really say because I don't know what the clinical schedule will be as of yet. She continues to question it and I guess you can say that's when I started to get turned off. That and 45 minutes of her looking me up and down...up and down. LOL...this may read as me "tripping", but there are times when you get that sign, feeling, whatever you want to call it, that you may not be experiencing something for the reason you initially thought.


Through all of that I made sure to leave her with the impression that I would be available and that I was indeed interested in the position. I also thanked her kindly for her time. Then she had the Assistant Manager show me the unit. During the tour I asked a good amount of questions...there was nothing I needed to know I just wanted to get a feel for her personality and for her to get a feel for mine. After she answered my inquiries I kindly thanked her as well. In reference to looking me up and down I KNOW she expected me to look a little more "average" which I think is sad. I'm not hyping myself up by any means, but sometimes you just KNOW when people expect "someone else" to walk through the door. So now what? Well once I got outside and sat for a moment I realized that this job may not be for me. School is my priority and I also realized how much I love school and how bad I want to achieve my goal of completing this program. I feel as if this interview may have simply been for "life experience" nothing more. I definitely put all of my trust into my Father and believe that God will show me what is right for me and place me where I need to be. I currently work at this hospital and I also see that I AM content with my current job. I get to interact with children everyday I'm there and this new position will not allow for patient interaction so that's a huge sacrifice...for me. As I always say life is unpredictable so who knows what may happen, but in the mean time I will continue to focus on my educational goals. I am thankful for the revelations and having peace of mind once again. It's in God's hands. :-)

Numero Uno

Wow...a blog! I have been blogging on myspace because I can control it more (I feel) so this should be interesting. I will post an entry from my other blog. Hmmm, I have no idea what I will use this for, but just sit back and enjoy.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

2:29 AM - What's New Current mood: awake I went to sleep around 7pm today because I was aching and had a migraine...woke up about an hour ago. Since I'm wide awake I might as well post a new blog. I FINALLY found out what I made on my 4th test...94. I'm glad...now to get an A on my 5th test Wednesday...the make up for test 3 Thursday...and my final exam...I know I can do it...so I will be studying ALL day tomorrow and Wednesday. LOL @ college and the politics. My teacher is allowing us to take an exam over medical abbreviations. It is VOLUNTARY...she is doing it for people who didn't do as well as they would have liked on an exam...so pretty much it's extra points to add to a test...the lowest test grade I'm sure. So today in class she says, "If you have an A or a B in the class don't worry about taking the abbreviations test. An A is an A. If you have a 90 you have an A so there's no point in trying to get a 105 in the course because it's still going to be an "A" on your transcript...not A+". I found this very interesting because I would recommend that people who have a B or lower to take the exam. Why not strive for an A when the nursing program accepts only 25 people each year...and it's based off of your GPA...so why not go for An A. You only need a C in the course to pass...but does that give you a leg up on program admission...no. When you get closer to finishing they try to weed out people. Post-secondary education is simply politics in my eyes. I can't think of any job that you cannot be trained to do...on the job training that is...yet you need to have a degree, blah blah, blah so that you are more "educated" and "marketable" for companies to pick and choose. Your education rarely makes you a better employee...it's just a foundation that tells employers you have accomplished a "long-term" goal and that you posess stability. Well, I plan on taking the abbreviation test because it has to do with a personal goal...yes, I do want the highest A possible...it may not make a difference on my transcript, but it is one of my goals...so why should I settle?