Friday, December 22, 2006
When I was younger my mom would make me some eggs no matter what the time. She told me to never be afraid to ask for something if I was hungry. Eggs were one of my favorite things to eat as a child and I woke my mom up many nights asking for them. Lately, I have been on a "breakfast for dinner" kick. It brings back memories of my mom cooking pancakes, bacon, and eggs for dinner every once in a while and boy did I think that was a treat. The littlest things make you smile as a child and this was one of my favorite dinners simply because it was different.
Often you hear people say "live life to the fullest" or "live everyday like it was your last", but how many of us really do? When I first heard Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying I knew it would be on repeat because the lyrics rang true. At this point in time I strive to do this as much as possible, but it's the little things that I enjoy most. So while "living like you were dying" is a good thing to do i.e. exotic trips, swimming with the dolphins, etcetera, I feel that the time I spend enjoying everything around me is truly LIVING. This year I have spent more time than ever before reflecting. Reflecting on things that went wrong in the past, why things panned out the way they did, and life in general. I will take the good with me and bury the bad because it IS my past. My mom tells me a lot of things that are true and although I laugh I take her advice most of the time. She has been telling me to "LIVE". For instance, I can say "I just ate dinner so I'll wait a couple of hours before I tear into that peach cobbler, but it looks so good." She will comeback with: "LIVE, eat it." This is why I usually laugh at her. She wants me to do whatever I need to do to stay happy, it's just hilarious how she conveys her points.
I also consider myself a homebody. I thoroughly enjoy relaxing on the couch whilst watching "TV movies" back to back. My phone would ring off the hook when I would do this on the weekend. On the other end there would be one of my friends asking "What are you doing?". When I would tell them exactly what I was doing the response would be "Why? So you're just going to sit in the house and watch movies?" After hearing the same thing over and over I had to explain that I actually enjoy my quiet time and that I don't always have to go out to be entertained.
Everything has it's season so I'm sure there will come a time when my "quiet time" is scaled down. As for right now I'm looking forward to my next plate of cheese eggs with a side of sweet memories.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Take me as I am, but what is she really saying
Accept the good with the bad, I have doubt
Doubt that the world agrees with this sentiment
Doubt that conditional love is nonexistent
Even with commitment
It's a part of humanity, you see
A constant battle to remain the person one wants to be
My heart aches
My heart weeps
Before I can blink, my eyes begin to leak
Cries become sobs
Sobs become bawls
Outwardly the pain seeps
Hurt, sadness, and frustration can no longer hide
I cannot believe this is happening, I am losing my pride
Roll with the punches, go with the flow
Bury my face in a pillow because this is not for show
Take me now, this is the real me
Do not hesitate or else I may flee
I wish to mask these feelings
Scurry and hide
But it is imperative that you see past this shell
See the inside
After revealing myself I am here
I still remain
Enough I say, enough of the turmoil
All along it was ME, afraid of the real McCoy
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I had been a mollusk holding my pearl
Because I am not a fly by night girl
This treasure represents many a thing
Not just the physical, but my mental, which was cluttered, not clean
Many thoughts were crowding my head
but I surpressed the emotions and ranted I am a conqueror instead
You took me in your hands, first massaging my skin
There was no turning back, no way did I want this moment to end
Before long infiltration occured
gates opened, all emotion emerged
Getting closer and closer to my peak
Moans passed my lips and I became less meek
Finally, the moment had arrived
I could not hold back, for I was thoroughly enjoying this high
Shackles removed, locks picked
What a wondrous moment, beautiful, EUPHORIC!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Since Thursday I have been nervous because I was called to interview for a position that I really want(ed). Well, after all of the anxiety the interview came and went. I was meeting the Unit Manager at 9:00am...but of course I wanted to arrive early. So at 8:40 I let the secretary know I had arrived...she then calls the manager only to get no answer. I'm thinking "maybe today is a busy day and she is working on the floor"...so I decide to empty my bladder before I go to her office. When I came out of the restroom the secretary called her again and told me the manager was on her way down. So I'm waiting another 10 minutes. Now, the manager calls back to say she wants me to meet her on the ground floor. It is 3 minutes after 9 and at this point I'm a tad bit irritated. Whatever...I let it roll off my back...
I finally shake her hand and start walking with her to her office. At this point we are making small talk and she is really looking me up and down. Surprisingly I wasn't intimidated or nervous at all I'm just wondering why she seems to be fascinated. We get to the office and have a sit down. She starts to go over my resume with me and then the interview begins. I am being asked the typical questions with scenarios...etc and I am tackling them like nobody's business. I have to give myself a pat on the back because in certain situations I get EXTREMELY nervous. This was the best part of the interview because the rest was...um...BS. Anyway, next we discussed my availability. Now the position is full-time and I would prefer to work 3 12-hour shifts. Well it seems they would prefer you to work 4 10-hour shifts or 5 8-hour shifts. Cool. I can do the 4 days although it would be pushing it...but I'm like OKAY. So once I tell her this she starts to question my availabilty down the road. Clinicals start (by God's will) in the spring and my schedule will be hectic...I definitely won't be able to do 4 days then, but I'm telling her I can't really say because I don't know what the clinical schedule will be as of yet. She continues to question it and I guess you can say that's when I started to get turned off. That and 45 minutes of her looking me up and down...up and down. LOL...this may read as me "tripping", but there are times when you get that sign, feeling, whatever you want to call it, that you may not be experiencing something for the reason you initially thought.
Through all of that I made sure to leave her with the impression that I would be available and that I was indeed interested in the position. I also thanked her kindly for her time. Then she had the Assistant Manager show me the unit. During the tour I asked a good amount of questions...there was nothing I needed to know I just wanted to get a feel for her personality and for her to get a feel for mine. After she answered my inquiries I kindly thanked her as well. In reference to looking me up and down I KNOW she expected me to look a little more "average" which I think is sad. I'm not hyping myself up by any means, but sometimes you just KNOW when people expect "someone else" to walk through the door. So now what? Well once I got outside and sat for a moment I realized that this job may not be for me. School is my priority and I also realized how much I love school and how bad I want to achieve my goal of completing this program. I feel as if this interview may have simply been for "life experience" nothing more. I definitely put all of my trust into my Father and believe that God will show me what is right for me and place me where I need to be. I currently work at this hospital and I also see that I AM content with my current job. I get to interact with children everyday I'm there and this new position will not allow for patient interaction so that's a huge sacrifice...for me. As I always say life is unpredictable so who knows what may happen, but in the mean time I will continue to focus on my educational goals. I am thankful for the revelations and having peace of mind once again. It's in God's hands. :-)
Monday, October 09, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
2:29 AM - What's New
I went to sleep around 7pm today because I was aching and had a migraine...woke up about an hour ago. Since I'm wide awake I might as well post a new blog.