Friday, December 22, 2006

2 Eggs, Scrambled w/ Cheese, a Waffle, and Orange Juice

Here it is 1:50 Friday morning and I just wolfed down breakfast.

Sweet memories...

When I was younger my mom would make me some eggs no matter what the time. She told me to never be afraid to ask for something if I was hungry. Eggs were one of my favorite things to eat as a child and I woke my mom up many nights asking for them. Lately, I have been on a "breakfast for dinner" kick. It brings back memories of my mom cooking pancakes, bacon, and eggs for dinner every once in a while and boy did I think that was a treat. The littlest things make you smile as a child and this was one of my favorite dinners simply because it was different.

Often you hear people say "live life to the fullest" or "live everyday like it was your last", but how many of us really do? When I first heard Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying I knew it would be on repeat because the lyrics rang true. At this point in time I strive to do this as much as possible, but it's the little things that I enjoy most. So while "living like you were dying" is a good thing to do i.e. exotic trips, swimming with the dolphins, etcetera, I feel that the time I spend enjoying everything around me is truly LIVING. This year I have spent more time than ever before reflecting. Reflecting on things that went wrong in the past, why things panned out the way they did, and life in general. I will take the good with me and bury the bad because it IS my past. My mom tells me a lot of things that are true and although I laugh I take her advice most of the time. She has been telling me to "LIVE". For instance, I can say "I just ate dinner so I'll wait a couple of hours before I tear into that peach cobbler, but it looks so good." She will comeback with: "LIVE, eat it." This is why I usually laugh at her. She wants me to do whatever I need to do to stay happy, it's just hilarious how she conveys her points.

I also consider myself a homebody. I thoroughly enjoy relaxing on the couch whilst watching "TV movies" back to back. My phone would ring off the hook when I would do this on the weekend. On the other end there would be one of my friends asking "What are you doing?". When I would tell them exactly what I was doing the response would be "Why? So you're just going to sit in the house and watch movies?" After hearing the same thing over and over I had to explain that I actually enjoy my quiet time and that I don't always have to go out to be entertained.

Everything has it's season so I'm sure there will come a time when my "quiet time" is scaled down. As for right now I'm looking forward to my next plate of cheese eggs with a side of sweet memories.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Afraid of Self

A voice emerges from the radio blaring
Take me as I am, but what is she really saying
Accept the good with the bad, I have doubt
Doubt that the world agrees with this sentiment
Doubt that conditional love is nonexistent
Even with commitment
It's a part of humanity, you see
A constant battle to remain the person one wants to be

My heart aches
My heart weeps
Before I can blink, my eyes begin to leak
Cries become sobs
Sobs become bawls
Outwardly the pain seeps

Hurt, sadness, and frustration can no longer hide
I cannot believe this is happening, I am losing my pride
Roll with the punches, go with the flow
Bury my face in a pillow because this is not for show
Take me now, this is the real me
Do not hesitate or else I may flee
I wish to mask these feelings
Scurry and hide
But it is imperative that you see past this shell
See the inside

No pain
No gain
After revealing myself I am here
I still remain
Enough I say, enough of the turmoil
All along it was ME, afraid of the real McCoy

Thursday, December 14, 2006

That Last Saturday Was...Mmmm

Saturday night was ecstasy. I reached peaks that I had not reached in a long time due to the mental control I have over my body. I finally decided not to hold back and just go with the flow...NO PUN INTENDED.

I had been a mollusk holding my pearl
Because I am not a fly by night girl
This treasure represents many a thing
Not just the physical, but my mental, which was cluttered, not clean
Many thoughts were crowding my head
but I surpressed the emotions and ranted I am a conqueror instead

You took me in your hands, first massaging my skin
There was no turning back, no way did I want this moment to end

Before long infiltration occured
gates opened, all emotion emerged
Getting closer and closer to my peak
Moans passed my lips and I became less meek
Finally, the moment had arrived
I could not hold back, for I was thoroughly enjoying this high
Shackles removed, locks picked
What a wondrous moment, beautiful, EUPHORIC!
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